Teacher-Mommy

One early spring afternoon, seven months pregnant with Lucy and totally bewildered by my inability to manage my fifth period room full of mischevious ninth graders, I complained to another wiser English teacher down the hall: "HOW is it that other people are able to get that "authority" thing across without being jerks? I'm usually a quick learner. Why can't I figure this out??"

In a moment of vivid clarity, she pointed at my ridiculously protruding belly and said something to the effect of the following: "All I know is that managing my classes became a ton easier once I had my own children. I could suddenly envision these ninth graders as the kids they really are, and I stopped being so shocked my their immature behavior. And I think it could be said that I loved them more, in a mom-who-needs-to-set-you-straight sort of way."

I may never know if this will really be the case with me, since I left the secondary classroom in favor of PhD and university pursuits after that trying year. But in honor of the fact that I just yesterday taught my first class (now undergrads) as a mother of two children, I thought I'd reflect on how being a mom has impacted how I envision my role as "teacher":

*I no longer obsess about what I wear. In fact, comfort is the most important quality I seek to attain (forget about "professional"), and spit-up stains have become my latest can't-do-without accessory. (I almost miraculously made it to class yesterday without spit up, but Zander pelted me with it at the last moment, as I was handing him over to his father.)

*Thanks to my post-pregnancy chubbiness and huge rings of exhaustion under my eyes, I no longer have to worry about being seen as a sexual object by my students. (I did so love those little love notes from my sixth graders . . . )

*I, who was totally unable to find "balance" when I was a workaholic new teacher, am now forced daily to stop working on my teaching stuff by my two very needy top priorities.

*I don't feel nearly as insecure or vulnerable in a teacher role. Pushing a 9lb 4 oz infant out of your body without drugs with ten plus people watching you in the room is potentially stressful. Teaching these students for a few hours no longer seems like such a big deal.

*It's not so hard to differentiate myself from college kid students anymore. They seem to live now on an entirely different universe, one filled with parties, late nights out, tons of laughing friends, and decisions that revolve around just one person's wishes.

The big question is whether or not becoming a parent has made me a better or worse teacher. I know it has made me different. The other big question is whether being a teacher has made me a better or worse parent. Either way, one thing is clear. I really should get back to lesson planning. After all, Zander will wake up any minute . . .