Selfish Parenthood

It's time the world knew the truth:

People seem to stereotype parents (particularly mothers) as somewhat sacred, selfless creatures. We rise at all hours to nurse our little darlings; we sacrifice our careers, our social lives, our pre-pregnancy bodies, for the sake of nurturing and loving our infants. We even tend to lose a piece of our identity in the process, known more as "so and so's mommy" than our previous, indpendent selves. And of course, this assumed generosity of mythic proportions is not entirely unreasonable. After all, I no longer watch anything on television that doesn't involve Elmo, Dora, Yo Gabba Gabba, or some other strangely disturbing three-year-old allure.

But here's the dirty secret:

Parenting (especially parenting your own biological children) is quite possibly the most egocentric project anyone can undertake. I know this, not just because I personally gain great pride from my own undertaking of said project, but because I watched parenting from the outside when I was a brand new teacher. And let me tell you from experiencing more than my share of insane, irrational rants from otherwise normal, logical people: having a child catapults some folks into the most self-centered, narrowed-perspective, all-about-us versions of themselves. Only when you are a parent can you be excused for believing that something that sprung from your body can do no wrong, should never receive an A- in anything, and should dictate the needs of an entire group of people.

Personally experiencing parent-pride has further proved my beliefs here. I see myself silently scrutinizing every cute thing Lucy says, every adorable face she makes, for pieces of myself. "I hope she got that from me," I think when she is sweet and kind and intelligent. "That must come from Justin's side," I think, when her stubbornness is unyielding. Every night she makes up song after song to put herself to sleep, and I find myself, each night, more in love with the songs as they bring me back to my own preferred method of putting myself to sleep when I was a young child. "What a CREATIVE, MUSICAL child," I smirk proudly. Perhaps the greatest evidence of the identity-promoting-parenting-connection involves status updates and photos on Facebook. For the most part, if you are a parent, your cute child ends up being front and center of the majority of the photos posted and, for me, the status updates the dot my page. This is no accident. Facebook pages are vehicles for self-promotion of identity. My kid is the coolest thing about me. Of course I'm going to flaunt her.

Sorry to blow the whistle, all you parents who have been enjoying pats on the back for your selfless family-first choices. But we insiders know this story well. We are happiest, we are most self-satisfied through our vicarious lives in those little people we helped create. . .